It's been 2 months since our last blog entry.
2 months.
And. Everything.Is.Different.
At first, I had to take a moment to process, and then more things changed, and more and more, and then our computer was out of service, and I took it as a sign to wait, and then more things changed.
And now, here we are, 2 months later, and I don't even know where to start. If I poured every detail onto this page, it would be a short novel. Considering I am borderline ADD, and no one wants that much info, I'm going to do my best to outline our lives, and not get carried away into spelling out every detail.
The day following our last entry was uneventful, right up until about 10 minutes before Lachlan got home from work. There's no way to spell this out in terms that don't give you to much information into our personal lives, but my history basically requires me to take a pregnancy test each month. It's not a big deal, other than the fact that even cheap tests are not cheap. Except this month the test was positive. Really positive.
Immediately I was shocked. I wanted Lachlan. I didn't now how to respond.
When we found out we were expecting Ellory, it was an anticipated shock. We were not really trying to become parents, we just weren't not trying. We found out late on a Tuesday night, after a date. We laid in bed giggling and taking turns vocalizing "oh crap," in as many forms as our stunned brains could come up with.
Ezra was a different story. For 18 months we timed, calculated, planned for and tried every which way we knew how to become pregnant again. In hindsight, we know the Lord's timing was perfect, but in the midst of those 18 months, it was difficult and sad every time I stared at that single line...squinting, praying, willing all my momminess to see the plus sign. Nothing. Until the month I was stressed, and gave up for the month so we could pack and move and settle into our new home. Nothing more than preparing my second FULL pot of coffee one morning, just weeks after we closed on our home, made me think i should take a test...the last of my stock pile. Positive. Our little man was finally there, growing inside me. God's timing was sweet and perfect, and we were thankful.
But this third plus sign threw me for a loop. Certainly a small part of my heart was instantly joyful, but honestly most of it seemed to shatter...only held together until the moment my man walked through the door. Crash. This was terrible news for our Buna. I was well aware of the clause in our adoption agreement with our agency, "Pregnancy will terminate (seriously, this is the verb they chose!) the adoption process, regardless if you have been matched with a child." I could visibly see these words scrolling through my brain. No, we were not yet matched with a specific child, but our hearts were set on loving, praying for, pursuing and aching for a baby half way around the world. I felt as though we were being forced to give up one of our children in order that another might live. I don't expect that anyone who has not experienced the exact situation could understand.
The days following consisted of me crying. A lot. My emotions were all over the place. I was thankful for the life inside of me, and angry all at once. I was grieving a child that I thought existed, and coming to terms with the reality that Baby Buna just wasn't conceived, born, or ready for us yet. I questioned God's plan, and remembered his faithfulness and perfect timing with Ezra. I wondered why when we were purposeful in trying to conceive, we couldn't, and when we were more than careful not to, we did. Lachlan was so good to daily remind me of God's sovereignty. Clearly this child defied science, and was sent with purpose from our Father, the giver of all good things. Slowly, I chose to walk in faithfulness. With each day I was able to celebrate this new little one more, and grieve the path I though we were on less.
Our agency confirmed our fears, even with all our begging and pleading that we wanted to pursue BOTH new Coffeys simultaneously. They conceded to not "terminate", only pause our process, only becaus they had just announced they were no longer accepting applications for the Ethiopia program because of the many delays, and lack of referrals coming to them from their now reduced orphanage partners. Still, this was not good news. They wouldn't allow us to make any progress until Baby 3 turned 1 year old. With the delays, that meant that Baby Buna would not be Baby Coffey 4 until 2015, minimum. With updates to the program in the weeks following, it now seems that 2015 would be a long shot.
We were sad. We completely understand if families would make the decision to delay their adoption process if put in our same situation, but we felt confident that God was calling us to constantly pursue ALL our children, ALL the time.
Within a week my much dreaded morning sickness had appeared. We went to the doctor, and got an early ultrasound to confirm a due date, May 6, 2012, and were able to hear that sweet "swish swish swish" of heartbeat of a 6week and 5 day old babe. My normal cocktail of anti-nausea medicine was subscribed.
We began networking with all our adoption family connections, and praying that we could find an agency that would look at our family and our desires, and not simply lay out blanket rules to their process. Lachlan was able to communicate with a few recommendations, and felt really good about one of them, who said they would allow us to continue the process, simply slowing it down enough for us to adjust to the new addition before sending us a referral for our #4. (FOUR! this is crazy!). We decided to get through he first trimester before making a decision.
A couple weeks later, we were able to spend a long weekend with my best friend and her family in Alabama. I actually felt really good (given my history) and were had a sweet time with the Hall family, including a kid-free double date night!
The long drive home gave Lachlan and I the opportunity to talk and think and plan what life as 6 Coffeys would be like. This unexpected pregnancy, the pause in our adoption process, and the reality of parenting four children made many decisions we had already made resurface. So, in one trip down I-65, we decided that the ideal plan would be to 1. Sell our house, 2. Move to New Albany, 3. Restart the adoption process as soon as we settled.
The whys of all these things are both simple and complicated, but it mostly boiled down to, "this adoption process, regardless of the agency, is now going to take much longer. Our plan to send our kids to private school, which was already on a teetering point of what was financially feasible quickly dropped to the unfeasible end with the addition of another child, and our current public school option is in simple terms 'the pits'. Many of our very close friends live in New Albany, as well as Lachlan's mom and sister. The addition of a Sojourn campus there was a drawing point, and the public school system is better."
We are Coffeys. Well, perhaps I should say, we are the Coffey family under the leadership of my "do-it-now-husband," Lachlan, so we met with our favorite realtor the following day. We had packed up, decluttered, rearranged, and repaired all the "we'll get to it soon" projects within the week. 6 days after our drive, I was feeling worse, but the house was spotless, listed, and we had spent a day viewing potential homes across the river.
Time at this point becomes a complete blur to me. There were more huge personal decisions made. A ton of home viewings, lots of puking (not just from me), 2 UTI's for me...who knows what else. The day following my second OB appointment, my doctor called to tell me that after reviewing my infections and urinalysis, along with my 8 pound weight loss and my previous pregnancy history, she was putting me on 24 hour home health care, including a zofran pump and constant IV fluids.
God gave me the most amazing husband. I was discouraged, and weak and tired. He instantly took over our whole world. While I puked and began fusing with the fibers of our basement couch, he planned childcare, shuttled our children, took care of the house--in such a way that it was show ready at any moment--did laundry, shopping, and all the loving. All the while working hard and fulfilling all his additional responsibilities. Our friends organized meals and graciously parented and loved our children.
The zofran pump was soon sent back, because it gave me migraines that made me even more pukey than the pregnancy, and I was left on the only remaining anti-nausea medicine, which did in fact keep me from puking, but also left me zombie like and/or completely knocked out for most of the day.
Last week, I returned to the doctor for a check up, and we begged to be off the fluids. She agreed to give me a two week trial. Thankfully, I have felt relatively well the past week. Certainly escaping from my basement dungeon has helped my spirits. I am experimenting with how long I can go without the knock out meds, and trying to survive on half a dose when I do take it. There have been bumps, but so far so good, I think.
The house has yet to sell, but showings have picked up dramatically this past week. We are praying that we be sensitive to any clear direction from the Lord, while doing our best to make wise decisions for our family. Baby 3 is making their presence known early as I look much more pregnant than my 14.5 weeks, even though I am still below my starting weight. My back and hips are feeling much more late-third, then early-second trimester. We are anxious to return to the doctor next week, hopeful for a good report that will allow me to continue trying to hydrate myself with the help of fruit and polar pop ice, rather than IV bags and catheters. The plan is to have an ultrasound mid-December. As soon as we sell (or call it and decide to stay put...ay! the thought!...)we will begin the revamp of our homestudy, and dossier. Ethiopia seems to be changing policies and processes daily, so we are trying to keep up and be open to wherever our Great God leads us on the path to our child. On one hand I daily plead with God to make everything clear. I want it all. I want to know it all. And I want it now. But on the other hand, this process has been a painful yet sweet reminder that we are called to pursue the Lord and act in His wisdom, but His Sovereignty is what will see us through. He is faithful. He always has been. So for now, we are loving all our babies the best we know how and praying the Lord brings all 6 of us together, under some type of house, in either Louisville or New Albany, with one little Coffey in some school, and us attending one of our Sojourn campuses...soon! We'd be delighted if you joined us in praying that the Lord's will be done amongst our family!
-Practical note for all of our sweet and loving friends and family that have given financially to fund our adoption:
The bulk of our financial investment thus far was refunded to us, and is patiently waiting to be sent off again, whenever our process is back on. If you donated to us through the non-profit Tesfa Alliance, they are holding onto all our funds as well. As soon as we send them an invoice for accrued adoption costs, they will release the appropriate funds.
There will be a minimal amount of additional costs as we redo homestudies/update them, and as we submit our application to our new agency.
We are so thankful for your financial contributions. We still plan to creatively fund raise as life becomes more clear, and I am feeling better.
If you feel led to contribute, you can do so through The Tesfa Alliance, or through pal pal at the top of our page. Of course our coffee fund raiser is ongoing and would make great Christmas gifts! $5 from every bag goes to our adoption. http://www.justlovecoffee.com/thecoffeys
We are thankful!
